Summer Loving: Getting Ready For Romance When Dealing With Divorce, Part 2
Earlier this week, we discussed the first three tips for transitioning back into the dating world, and how I encourage my clients to put their SAFETY first. It is possible to find love again after divorce, and summertime is the perfect time to begin this new season in your life. Here are three more tips to help you get started on the path to romance.
Takeaway Tip #4: Expect it to be awkward. I am talking about that first kiss or the first time that you allow someone to see you naked in all of your glory! Even if you have been at the gym and are unveiling that body you are so proud of, the first time that you are intimate with another after you have left your spouse may leave you feeling vulnerable. Do not worry if you become emotional or alternatively push the other person away. You are now separate, and have to learn to reconnect and how to manage your feelings at the same time. Conversely, if you are just dating and not looking to settle, you may attract someone who may misread your connection and assume it meant more than it did to you. No matter how embarrassing or awkward the outcome, it is important that you try to be honest with yourself about your needs, and to not expect perfection while you are figuring out how to move on after your divorce.
Takeaway Tip #5: Take your time, but make the time. If friends and family are rushing to play matchmaker and you want to experience some solo time, be honest with them about your needs. If you are attracted to someone but don’t feel ready to plunge into anything too intimate, don’t be afraid to dip your toe in the water, You may be able to handle a coffee or a bike ride in the park instead of a romantic dinner or movie date. It is summertime, so you have a lot more flexibility and can use the outdoors to your advantage to spend time slowly getting to know someone. You may also want to take this time to spend quality time with your children, or you may be traveling too much to plan a date in advance. If it all seems too overwhelming, give yourself permission to take a break. You can always find an excuse, but remember that if you would like to meet someone you have to make yourself available to the dating opportunities that come your way or intentionally create your own. So accept those summer party and cookout invitations, or host your own — you never know who may strike your fancy.
Takeaway Tip #6: You come first. It is important to take care of yourself in this dating journey, emotionally, physically, and sexually. Make sure that you are taking care of your health on all of these levels. If you are concerned about any of these areas schedule an appointment with the appropriate medical professional to explore your questions and concerns. After your dates, take some time to debrief to see what worked for you or what did not. Do not allow anyone to monopolize your time if you still want the flexibility to explore before you commit. You have been through or still may be dealing with your divorce, so prioritizing yourself and your needs will help you to make an objective decision about whether or not this person is right for you and vice versa. Remember that people can be in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. As you evaluate the role this person can play in your life, remember that dating in summertime can be a lot of fun. Embrace it, explore it, and enjoy it!
If you are contemplating divorce, or struggling with a high-conflict divorce procedure, let Tamara Harris, CEO of Tamara Harris LLC, be your partner as you navigate through each stage of your journey. As an impartial, experienced professional, Tamara will work directly with you to give you the best tools and strategies to manage the specific challenges and uncertainties of divorce. Serving as your Divorce Coach and advocate, she will help you see clearly during this time where emotions can often impede and derail your divorce procedure. While each member of your high-conflict divorce team – lawyers, accountants, financial advisors, and other experts – will be advising you, Tamara will help you to synthesize this information, think strategically about the options you have with clarity and purpose, and get your divorce across the finish line. Visit tamaraharris.com for more information, or contact Tamara Harris to discuss becoming a client. All inquires will be held in confidence.